A Time of Transitions

Transitions are always one of those funny things. It seems to me that, even with the best laid plans, I find myself with unexpected consequences. This is one of those times.

Lately, I’ve found that I have this nasty tendency to dwell on insignificant incidents or circumstances that could have gone wrong but didn’t. While I seem to fixate on one thing at a time, I quickly move from one concern to another no matter how irrational or out of my control the thing is. I’ve gotten stuck in a continual loop of being overly ‘mindful’ of things.

This tendency to fixate, coupled with my lack of self confidence, has caused me quite a bit of mental anguish.  I’ve lived in a heightened state of anxiety for the last several weeks.

Now, most of this may sound like pure intellectual crap, but it all boils down to the fact that I find myself in a situation where I’m realize I’m not in a good place mentally but seemingly unable to stop working against myself. It’s very frustrating.

So, this morning I decided to take a walk and so some serious thinking. I soon found that Athena had joined me on my walk and once again offered Her guidance. Athena’s presence was not new, nor exactly unexpected.

See, I’ve known for awhile that the next step upon my path was to walk with Athena. I’ve been transitioning, with Quan Yin’s blessing, to Her.  But, as usual, I’ve been procrastinating due to my own self doubts and skepticism.

This morning I made the conscious decision to take Athena up on Her offer.

The decision was not an easy one. Before She would agree to become my patron I had to meet one requirement. I had to admit that I have a tendency to not “live” or “own” my religious perspective. I had to admit that I tend to remain non-committal when my religion might bring conflict between me and another. I had to confess to Her, and admit to myself, that I have often hid behind the skepticism inherent in my own stance in order to justify not committing to much of anything.

In essence, I had to admit that I’m a coward.

There something a bit refreshing in being that honest.

Now, it’s time to learn how to walk again.

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