A Nod

There are times in my life when I know the decision that I’m about to make has numerous unforeseen consequences. Its times like these that I realize just how alone I am. Perhaps, that’s not the best way to put it. I should say that I understand just how personally responsible I am for any decisions I make.

Today, I faced one of those choices. It’s one that’s been coming for as long as I can remember. Today, I made the decision that I will become a guide, a teacher. Today, I made the choice to not let fear control me. When asked if I would undertake the endeavor, I replied “Yes.”

For those of you who don’t know me personally or haven’t really talked with me, you probably don’t understand the full difficultly of this decision. See, I’ve often had people asking, sometimes pleading, for me to teach them to understand things, to experience things, as I do. Now, the explanation part has never been difficult for me. I like to talk and I’m one of my favorite subjects. But, I’ve always been very hesitant of guiding other beings in any way. To do so requires me to take a certain responsibility for someone else that I’ve always been afraid to take on. I’ve been afraid that people would look to me for infallible answers I simply cannot offer or proofs I am ill equipped to give. Shit, I have a hard enough time convincing myself I’m not one strap short of a straight jacket.

But today the question was posed by Athena at the behest of another “abstract” group. I’m not entirely clear what/who this “abstract “group was, although they had a spokesperson, of sorts. Regardless, both made it quite clear that, as much as I may fear helping others explore and deal with things that I can’t entirely explain, the result of me not being open to helping would be extremely detrimental to those seeking assistance. Furthermore, choosing not to offer my knowledge/intuition or continuing to hedge on any commitment to do so, would hinder my own growth.

I guess I should have seen this coming. For the last few nights I’ve had inklings that something big was coming my way. I’ve had dreams that were quite vivid and, at times, I had to work through some harsh truths. I guess I should have known dealing with those issues was a way for me to clear my plate.

Now, I suppose it’ll be a wait and see game to see what comes of this decision. I got the impression, more clearly than at other times in my short life, that I’m playing some role in something that is just beginning. Don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty sure that I’m not so important that the whole thing would have come to a stand still if I had chosen not to be involved. But, it’s nice to know to be reminded that I do indeed have something of value to offer. Even if I don’t entirely understand the treasure I apparently hold in my hands.

2 Responses to “A Nod”

  1. Jess Says:

    Go do big things. We believe in you. 🙂

  2. like_a_god Says:

    Jess,

    Thanks for the encouragement! 🙂

    like_a_god

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